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Sep
01

Why do people get addicted?

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This question often comes up when trying to understand what caused a loved one to become addicted to a substance or behavior.  Often times when we are faced with difficult times, we like to have a little escape to help us deal with whatever is troubling us.  We might decide to relax with a cocktail after work or spend an evening at the local casino to help us unwind and temporarily take our minds of our troubles.  Unfortunately for some, they use this escape more and more until it becomes a part of life that they cannot do without.    When this occurs, the person has developed an addiction and needs professional help to change.

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Apr
14

The Validity of Values

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Values are an important part of everyone’s life.  Without values, it would be very difficult to make sound decisions.  Clients find it easier to create a vision of their future if they have a strong awareness of their individual values.  As a coach, I encourage clients to identify their values so they can be used as a guide when making decisions.  For example, if a client values financial independence, I would help him/her identify goals and strategize a plan that would center around that value.

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Apr
06

What’s REALLY going on?

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One of the first questions I ask during a coaching session is for the client to identify what topic he/she would like to discuss for that session.  I then ask the client what he/she would like to accomplish by the end of the session.  For instance, a client who is in the addiction recovery process might want to address how to rebuild a relationship with a family member.  By the end of the session, the client may want to have identified ways of initially breaking the ice with this individual.  If the client is having difficulty identifying possible ways or seems hesitant about doing so, I then ask the client if there is a deeper issue at the root of the problem originally identified.  For instance, if a client wants to rebuild a relationship with a son/daughter but has an ex-spouse who is less than  supportive, I then focus the discussion on how to work with this difficulty.  Once the difficulty with the spouse is addressed, we can then return to the issue of rebuilding the relationship with the son/daughter.

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Mar
30

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Obstacles are something we run into on a regular basis.  They may be physical obstacles, such as construction on our way to work.  They may be psychological, such as a fear that prevents us from doing something.  Regardless of the type of obstacle, we must address the issue if we want to feel better about the situation.  If construction on our usual route to work slows us down, we need to decide if we are going to continue taking that route or chose an alternative route.   If our obstacle is fear, we need to decide if we are going to continue to harbor that fear or if we are going to do something about it.

I take great pleasure in helping people identify and remove obstacles which are preventing them from achieving something better.  Obstacles are the norm, not the exception, so it is vital to be able to deal with them.  When someone identifies an obstacle, I first ask him/her to describe what life would look like if that obstacle was not in the picture.  I then ask what this obstacle is costing them.  Perhaps it is impeding the healing of a relationship or looking for a more satisfying job.  Once the person identifies the cost of this obstacle, I ask what he/she can do to remove this obstacle.  A good way to boost one’s confidence when dealing with an obstacle is to have the client identify his/her individual strengths to draw on while dealing with the difficulty at hand.  By asking a series of thought-provoking questions such as these, it empowers people to see that they do have the ability to overcome obstacles and lead a more satisfying life.

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Are you someone who likes to reminisce about the past?  Do you like thinking back to “the good old days”?  Does this bring back memories of being younger and more care free?  Were you less stressed back then?  For many of us, looking back on our younger days brings back pleasant memories of days past.  However, for others, it is an escape from an unpleasant situation they are now facing.  Are you recovering from an addiction and wish you could go back to the good times before your addiction?  Are you a family member or friend of an addict and wish you could recapture the days you had with this person before addiction took control of his/her life?  The past is exactly that, the past.  We cannot change the past.  We can, however, take steps to better our chances of a successful and more prosperous future.

When one is recovering from an addiction that has wreaked havoc on life, just the thought of making changes in the future can be scary.  But it doesn’t have to be.  During our coversation, many times I will pick up on an underlying fear.  As a coach, I help clients identify exactly what that fear is.  It may be a fear of rejection, a fear of failure, a fear of relapse just to name a few.  The next step is to determine what is fueling that fear and what steps the client can identify to combat that fear.  I have found that asking a client to envision what life would be like without that fear in it  often gets the ball rolling.  Once the client has come up with a plan, I ask if he/she forsees any obstacles to the plan and help remove them if any exist.

I have found that once the fear is removed, clients feel much more empowered to make positive changes in their lives.  So it does go to show that we really can have nothing to fear, not even the boogyman.

 

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Jan
18

All are welcome

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What line of work are you in?  Are you a top-level executive earning a six digit salary?  Or are you earning a more modest salary as a teacher or nurse?  Or do you work in the service industry for pay that is downright meager?  Addiction can strike anyone, regardless of occupation or level of income.  Are you afraid to seek help because you are afraid other people will find out?  Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.  As an addiction recovery coach, I am bound by International Coach Federation Ethics to maintain confidentiality with all clients.  I treat all cleints with respect and maintain strict confidentiality of our discussions, so clients can feel free to discuss with me any topic that they would like to work on in their lives.  Whether you earn a six digit salary

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Jan
12

Forgotten Families?

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Are you one of many Americans who was affected by the recent harsh winter weather? How did several days of subzero temperatures and wind chills and/or excessive snow make you feel?  Frustrated? Discouraged? Did you think all you could do was grin and bear it?  Now that the weather has returned to normal, how are you feeling?  More optimistic?  Hopeful? Encouraged?  Families and friends of an addict often experience intense emotions including discouragement, helplessness, and frustration.

As an addiction recovery coach, I focus not only on the addicted person’s needs but on the needs of families and friends as well.  As human beings, having the support of those close to us in times of difficulty is something we all crave.  For a person recovering from an addiction, having the support of others is integral to their recovery and maintaining an addiction-free lifestyle.  However, it can be difficult for those close to them to walk that journey when they are plagued with negative feelings.  As a coach, I first have the family member or friend identify what feelings they are experiencing.  I then have the client envision what the future will look like for them when those negative feelings are worked through and they are feeling more positive and optimistic.  Third, I have the client develop a plan for him/herself as to what steps he/she will take to achieve the vision.  Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, I ask the client to identify any obstacles that might prevent him/her from achieving this plan and help remove these obstacles.

It is important to note that achieving these positive feelings will not happen overnight.  It is a process that will take time.  If you are the family/friend of an addicted person and are ready to look to the future and how you can help yourself so you can help them, I would be honored to work with you as your coach.

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Jan
03

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Happy New Year to all!  A new year is the perfect time to make positive changes in one’s life.  If you are struggling with addiction issues and are looking for someone to help you strategize a plan for a more satisfying future, whether you are the addict or a family member or friend of an addict, now might be the time to consider working with an addiction recovery coach.  I will help you tap deep into your mind to come up with a plan that will be successful for you.  The key is that YOU come up with the plan, not me.  I will ask you powerful questions to help you come up with each step, set realistic goals, remove any obstacles that you forsee, and have you identify a support person to help you stay on track with your new plan.  If you are ready to make   changes in your life to achieve and maintain an addiction free lifestyle, I would be honored to have you choose me as your coach.

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Once a client has admitted they have an addiction problem and have obtained professional help to recover from the addiction (drugs, alcohol, sex, etc), I help the client uncover the motivation to achieve and maintain an addiction-free lifestyle.  I ask powerful questions that will help the client identify a vision for what that addiction-free lifestyle will look like.  It is perfectly fine for a client to continue seeing a therapist during our coaching relationship as coaching and therapy work well together.  However, it is important to note that therapy and coaching are two different concepts.  A therapist knows the answers as how to “fix” the addiction problem and keep the client free from their addiction and focuses more on past happenings.  A coach focuses on moving forward and believes that the client has the answers within him/herself.  As your coach, I will help you identify your individual values to help you maintain an addiction-free lifestyle.  I will also work with you on developing new habits to maintain your addiction-free lifestyle.  For example, if you are a recovering alcoholic who headed to the bar with your coworker Jeff every day at 12 noon for a liquid lunch, my questions might lead you to decide to take a mile walk with your coworker Bill at 12 noon instead.

Once you have created a vision for yourself and identified strategies to achieve that vision, I will ask you to identify any potential obstacles that may arise.  If you forsee any obstacles to your plan, I will focus my questions on helping you remove those obstacles to your success.

Addiction recovery coaching is a process which requires a significant committment on your behalf.  Therefore, I recommend at least a two to three month coaching relationship to allow enough time for the process.  If more time is needed, I will gladly continue coaching you as long as you maintain your committment to recovery.

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Dec
14

Special days not as special?

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What is your favorite special day?  Is it Thanksgiving, when there is an abundance of wonderful foods?  Is Christmas your favorite because you love shopping for those dear to you and finding “the perfect gift”?  My favorite special day is New Year’s Eve, when I gather with several friends each year to enjoy a nice meal and ring in the new year with champagne and a couple cocktails. How do you feel on those special days?  For most people, these days are accompanied by feelings of eager anticipation, joy, and warmth.  Now imagine that you are somewhere in the process of recovering from an addiction.  What kinds of feelings are you experiencing?  Are you a recovering shopping addict who dreads the Christmas season because you have a fear of relapsing into your former addiction?  Do you shy away from New Year’s celebrations because you’re afraid you won’t be able to resist that champagne toast at midnight?  For those on the addiction recovery journey, special days can cause feelings of fear and anxiety centered around their former addiction instead of feelings of eagerness and joy.

As an addiction recovery coach, one of my main goals is to help clients identify exactly what that fear is, what is causing that fear, and empower them to come up with a plan to conquer it.  For instance, if a client is somewhere on the path to recovery from  shopping adiction and dreads the Christmas season, my first question would be for the client to identify exactly what that fear is.  If he/she fears relapsing into a shopping addict, my next question would be to inquire into what is fueling that fear.  Based on his/her response, I would then ask the client questions to help him/her come up with an individualized plan to combat that fear.  That plan would include specific goals, as well as build in accountability by having the client identify a support person who will hold them accountable to their plan.  I would also ask the client to envision how he/she will feel when they successfully achieve this plan.  I would close by asking the client if there are any potential obstacles and help him/her remove them if they exist.

For those on the addiction recovery journey, every day is a challenge.  Special days like Christmas, New Years, even birthdays, can be even more difficult.  If you or someone you know is on the path to recovery and are ready to take the next step to further enjoying life, I would be honored to be the coach.  I will encourage and empower you every step of the way.  Please contact me for a free consultation at roeslerb@gmail.com or broesler@wi.rr.com.

 

 

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